I think you're thinking of someone else.

[underused]

I've fallen into this trap of wanting everything I write to be less than 200 words. I'm writing to match my attention span, which has been waning for a decade. I love you, internet, but you've rewired me. I'm a goldfish.

I've just emerged from a week of activity. Seeing people, doing things--the family business. My sister was visiting from overseas, so all of us and our partners spent as much time together as possible.

For a person who spends so much time alone, it was borderline surreal. I'm so terribly unsocial that after a day or two of steady interaction I feel like a part of my brain shuts down. I mean, I'm there, eating, talking, making plans--and I'm happy to be there, because these are people I love--but everything seems odd and other, like watching my life through the wrong end of binoculars. At the end of it, there's an unshakeable sense I've imagined it all.

Comments

[mr_picard]

I can relate - social interaction weakens me considerably and I feel weird after only one or two hours of it... so kudos to you for getting through it for days! :)

Also... KITTEH

[underused]

I find it's always a strange push and pull. If I don't socialise enough I start to lose perspective, and being around others and hearing their thoughts and ideas inspires me to think about and try new things. But too much of it and I just start to feel sort of... surrounded. I guess that's why online spaces (like Imzy and DW) play an important role in our lives. You can interact on your own terms.

But there's a dilemma there, too. It turns into a bubble of its own. There's something to be said for situations that force you to adapt--it's def a way to learn more about yourself.

[merikuru]

I totally don't do the social thing either. It's like being on the other side of one of those bulletproof windows with the speaker in it after a while; perfectly visible, people can communicate, but at the same time. So. Alone. So. Very. Alone.

Meatie!

[underused]

That photo makes me laugh. Photobomb!

Bulletproof windows with a speaker--what a perfect description. I wonder what it is that makes some people so comfortable around others and some of us so not. There are very few times in my life where I didn't feel like I was a completely separate species from the humans around me.

Are there times you like being social? If you could dictate, what would be your ideal social interaction?

[merikuru]

Meatie is the best. :D

I really wish I knew, you know? Maybe then it might be easier to interact with fellow flesh sacks. Then again, knowing me I'd still find reasons not to, haha.

I do enjoy being social on occasion! It's much easier if I have opportunities to get away and destress a little - that's precisely how I handled the gigantic convention I went to several years--make that eleven years back, good grief! At the time my anxiety and Oh No There Are People was much worse than it is now, so if it worked then it will certainly continue to work, I feel. I also don't like to be pressed on a subject unless it's something I'm extremely interested in, at which point I can talk for hours about it (and have done, re: translating.) I think that one is the Asperger's showing its face.

[underused]

It's true--the ability to extricate myself from a situation makes a huge difference. Your mention of talking about things you're interested in sparked a thought for me. It occurs to me that the social situations that drain me most are where people are talking about the surfaces of their lives without any desire to dig deeper. I'm not saying it all has to be great philosophy--but I need some kind of debate or examination. if you put me at a table where people are talking about *ideas* I am THERE.

Otherwise, I think my perfect social situation is dancing. It's the one thing I love to do with other people--it's something about that collective sense of freedom and happiness.

[merikuru]

I think a lot of it comes down to people's unconscious need to sound like they're listening without actually having to put in the effort. So they only scrape the surface of things, because we tend to absorb the mistaken impression that it's narcissistic to talk about oneself in more than the most vague and passing terms. (It may well be narcissistic, but I can't say I've ever made it a secret that I'm a bit of a narcissist myself.)

Dancing is fun! There's a point, I've found, where you don't even care if you're terrible at it (if in fact you are terrible), you're just doing it because you enjoy it.

[underused]

Interesting--"listening without... [putting] in the effort." That's probably right. Although I've met lots of people who would be happy to talk about themselves forever. haha.

I don't get people who don't like dancing. I always assume it's bc they feel self-conscious. Personally, I couldn't care less if someone's good at it or not. If they look like they're having fun, it's always beautiful.

[merikuru]

I'll admit I could be one of those people. I just usually try to keep a lid on it, haha.

I've had my self-conscious "oh god I can't dance what am I even" moments, so I know the feeling to an extent. I usually ignore it, though. I must have looked pretty entertaining at my first high school dance - I was wearing this terribly dated dress (to be fair, it didn't look half bad on me) that looked like someone took a bolt of burgundy velvet and tried to squish it into the approximate shape of a rose. I proceeded to dance very energetically in this thing. It was apparently hilarious. :D

[amidthestars]

I can relate to so much of this post, and the conversation happening underneath it. Lately I've been a lot more social than I've probably ever been in my life, and although I'm enjoying it, I very often emerge from social things feeling like I dreamt it. And I've always been such a quiet person that, in the past, even when I've been "social" I've been far more of a listener than a participator. So now, when I find myself talking, I almost always get home later and think, "Was that really you?" It feels like it was someone else.

merikuru's analogy of being behind bulletproof glass with a speaker pumping the sound in is perfect. That is exactly how I feel during 80% of my social interactions. But I totally agree that what is most draining is people talking about things that are fairly superficial. Give me a conversation about ideas, and people who are interested in examining things deeply, and I'm 100% into it. I have a few friends I can talk with for hours because we're interested in the same things and have the same desire to examine and question, and we long ago learned to skip over all of the surface-y stuff. Something I'd like to learn how to do is test those waters in my newer relationships. I'm such a follower in social situations, trying to direct them in new ways feels pretty foreign to me.

Another thing I've learned - and maybe this is true for others, too - is that it takes me a good, long while to warm up in social situations, especially when they're new or unfamiliar. I find I have to do a lot of listening and observing - and even a bit of testing myself with small talk - before my weirdly anxious heart is ready to try more. (Usually, by the time I reach that point, the conversation is over.)

[underused]

"how to... test those waters in my newer relationships"
That's been a tough one for me. I think the hardest part is realising a lot of people just don't want to--or even know how to--have those conversations. I've been so lucky to know people (like you and R, and many more over the years) who love digging into abstract ideas. But some of the people I like best don't think about the world in the abstract--like, ever. And that is totally ok! I don't think it makes them superficial; our perceptions of the world are different. But I can't help feeling sort of lonely.

"(Usually, by the time I reach that point, the conversation is over.)" Hahaha, so much yes.

[balganwall]

Don't feel too bad about the 200-word limit your brain wants to impose. It's been happening to me for years--I also blame the internet--but I've finally come to see it as a benefit.

I'm continuing the rough draft of a novel I finally started writing nearly a year ago. I wrote the first part through NaNoWriMo, which suggests a daily word count of 1,560 to make a 50K novel. I found myself typing like mad just to get meet that goal, steadily enjoying the process less and less. It's not uncommon to find a lot of people in the forums stressing out and lamenting that they just can't write. (And the pep talks are infuriating. "You got your novel started, so you're still a winner!")

This time around, with Camp NaNoWriMo, I set my own daily word limit: 300. It's not too difficult to meet, and if I go over that limit, I feel even more accomplished. And unlike the regular NaNo, if I miss a day or two, I won't feel terrible and end up panicking and rushing to make up for lost writing time. I can easily meet 600, 900, or even over 1,000 words after a break.

I like the idea of NaNoWriMo, but the 1,560 daily word count is intimidating. I think it also ends up with a lot of unhappy writers who feel like they can't accomplish their goals. I personally prefer "chunk writing," and I feel more motivated to finish a story with this method.

[underused]

Heh, at this point, honestly, I'm freakin' thrilled when I write anything at all. ☺

There was a time when I was writing so much I had to reel myself in, but I got burnt out and "took a break" that didn't seem to end. The longer I went without writing, the scarier it felt. Imzy was great because it sort of got me into the habit of writing *something*--even just comments or the wotd posts, so I'm seeing this a positive step.

It makes me happy I'm not the only one who finds pep talks a bit underwhelming. haha.