"My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both."

[underused]

from Either/Or: A Life Fragment by Søren Kierkegaard

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Lately, I've had several conversations about the difficulty of making decisions--especially when faced with sets of similar options. Sooner or later we find ourselves stuck, worrying we'll make the wrong choice.

But the notion of a "wrong" choice implies there's a "right" one--one with no disadvantages. I find it liberating to think there may be neither. Whatever we choose will come with a measure of disappointment (or satisfaction) that often depends more on our own perception than on the thing itself.

(Disclaimer: I'm referring to relatively harmless choices that are somewhat matched and not obviously terrible. Between "should I betray a friend or eat a salad" I hope we can agree one comes with notably fewer regrets.)

Comments

[amidthestars]

This is such a helpful way to think about things. I'm definitely someone who struggles to make decisions - and who is convinced, often way beyond reason, that there is a "right" choice to make, or even a right way to be, to live.

When I can manage it, I find the most reassurance in remembering that everything is a learning experience - that even trying something and failing, or finding that it isn't for me, is helpful in that it teaches me things I wouldn't have otherwise known.

[underused]

It is, right? I find people often respond to this as if its inherently negative. (I remember saying this to my shrink and he just looked alarmed, heh.) But I remember being so freed when I first read this--bc it seems so obvious to me that if everything is going to have regret, it's probably also true that everything will be, at least in part, great.

When I look back on Big Decisions I've made (to move, to break up, to take jobs), it's not only obvious that they all had good and bad elements, they also became the only reality I'll ever know. Whatever my regrets were, I accepted, adapted, and evolved. And if I can do it once, it's safe to say I can (and will) do it again.

[balganwall]

I could use some thoughtful, life-changing reading material. This would make some nice, light afternoon read--

*sees 800 page count*

Guess I'll treat this as more of a reading journey...

[underused]

Full Disclosure: I haven't read it either. I just really love that quote. ☺