be bothered

[underused]

Meatball is not making an effort.

Less than a week ago, I signed up for my first massive open online course (MOOC). It was all very impulsive. I was reading an article with a link and, before I had time to second-guess myself, I'd enrolled.

The article, an editorial piece, was titled "It's Not My Job to Teach You about Indigenous People." In it, author Melanie Lefebvre describes an interaction with a friend, Sally, who says she'd like to learn more about indigenous culture. Yet, when Lefebvre offers her a comprehensive list of resources--including the aforementioned free MOOC--Sally dismisses each one with absurd, superficial excuses (things like "I don't enjoy research" and "I'm sick of being online").

Eventually, Lefebvre becomes exasperated: "What Sally wasn’t getting was that I had sat there for an hour trying to convince her of the many viable ways of learning about and interacting with Native peoples. That’s not my job. And the education of settlers isn’t my job either."

I was relieved when she gave up being helpful; Sally sounded like an ass. But though I'd given up on Sally, too, Lefebvre's argument resonated: "I appreciate the willingness... to learn, but that means actually doing the work." Holy shit, I thought, am I Sally?

Suddenly, I was conscious of all the times I'd said "I wish I knew more about [x]" as though it was some impossible task. While I hope I've never said anything as stupid as "I don't enjoy research" (damn Sally, what does that even mean?), in 2017 the only reason I don't know something is probably because I've chosen not to figure it out.

I've known about MOOCs since they were a Hot New Thing, but I was reticent to take one. For me, part of the appeal of any classroom is the sense of collective engagement and the possibility of diverse insight and spontaneous debate. The idea of sitting in front of my computer, alone, watching videos of people giving lectures seemed unfulfilling and kind of sad. But the reflection of myself I saw in Lefebvre's piece was sadder: an intelligent, curious person turning away from easily accessible information because it's not presented exactly as I'd like.

The MOOC is great so far. The lectures are interesting and watching them isn't sad. Though I know I learned some of this stuff in school, the joy of learning these lessons as an adult is the ability to appreciate context in new and deeper ways. (The joy of taking this course is that it centres around indigenous experience rather than colonial narrative.) And once this class is done, I've already got a list of other topics lined up: modern art, social justice, philosophy, maybe linguistics.

It's all on the table; I'm ready to do the work.

Comments

[underused]

Nah, I think we all do that. And to be fair, we live in an age where information is coming at us all day, so not going looking for more of it is understandable.

For me, I've been feeling a bit... stagnant, I guess, and frustrated at what I perceived as a lack of intellectual stimulation. You know, every once in a while someone needs to hit me with the internet and remind me how much I have at my fingertips, heh.

I feel like you're busy learning stuff all the time! You should def not worry about this.

[merikuru]

Well, I admit I have been stagnating a bit these days. I took too much of a break from translating, and now I can't really seem to get the motivation back to work on more than a little bit at a time. Flitting from this translation to that, losing focus, going "I should really do this" and then just...not doing it. Blurgh. I like translating, what's even wrong with me these days.

I also need to write. *buries face in hands*

[underused]

Ah, it's a hard balance. I know what it's like to "take a break" from something (bc I feel like I'm burning out) only to discover my time off has eroded what was, up till then, a well-cultivated habit. Suddenly I have to get back to whatever I'm taking a break from in some totally new way. It's frustrating. It's probably a good thing? I dunno.

Mostly, I never know when I should be gentle with myself and when I should be a taskmaster. I'm pretty sure I always get it backwards.

[merikuru]

It's not really so much that I...needed a break? Circumstances just conspired to make me reluctantly take one (mostly the fact that it's really bloody hard to type with a splint or cast on so I couldn't do much while I was still recovering, and then there was that week in Colorado where I wasn't at a computer...) I don't really think I lost much except the motivation though, as I still feel it's easier to make words do things than it used to be. So at least there is that.

I probably get that backwards a good 99.99% of the time too, so it isn't just you.

[underused]

Of course--I totally forgot you were in a cast for ages! That is a different thing, although the result might be similar (the erosion or loss of a habit). It's def the motivation that takes a hit.

[merikuru]

It was pretty interesting when I finally got back to translating after getting back from the road trip, tbh - I think that was the first time in a while I felt genuinely fluent with how easily that one translation flowed out of me. It went a long way towards boosting my confidence in my translations and convinced me to take a bit of...I guess you could call it a risk...in some later translating (put it this way: ancient poetry? Is a bitch. I'm still proud I managed it.) So I want to take advantage of my newfound I Can Do This and the motivation! It is not there! Agh.