I can relate to so much of this post, and the conversation happening underneath it. Lately I've been a lot more social than I've probably ever been in my life, and although I'm enjoying it, I very often emerge from social things feeling like I dreamt it. And I've always been such a quiet person that, in the past, even when I've been "social" I've been far more of a listener than a participator. So now, when I find myself talking, I almost always get home later and think, "Was that really you?" It feels like it was someone else.

merikuru's analogy of being behind bulletproof glass with a speaker pumping the sound in is perfect. That is exactly how I feel during 80% of my social interactions. But I totally agree that what is most draining is people talking about things that are fairly superficial. Give me a conversation about ideas, and people who are interested in examining things deeply, and I'm 100% into it. I have a few friends I can talk with for hours because we're interested in the same things and have the same desire to examine and question, and we long ago learned to skip over all of the surface-y stuff. Something I'd like to learn how to do is test those waters in my newer relationships. I'm such a follower in social situations, trying to direct them in new ways feels pretty foreign to me.

Another thing I've learned - and maybe this is true for others, too - is that it takes me a good, long while to warm up in social situations, especially when they're new or unfamiliar. I find I have to do a lot of listening and observing - and even a bit of testing myself with small talk - before my weirdly anxious heart is ready to try more. (Usually, by the time I reach that point, the conversation is over.)